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My brain says people are human and they can hurt you and love you at the same time. My heart says no, i have loved you and you have used me.

How nasty that you should do that and the only way i can fix it is to go on and on feeling so unloved while i try to win you.

I am confused! Dear Betsy Your confusion is completely understandable, and very common. We give and give and give. To the end of the earth and yet we should be the ones to change more?

To live more so that we can win him back? He refuses to get help, counseling. Dear Kris Can you recall one time in your life that resentment actually accomplished anything good?

Because I have never seen or heard of anger, vengeance, or expectations ever create a positive result. Our point is that those who escape their marriages, their wives, by going onto porn sites, or looking for sex fixes, are running for a reason.

Is it right that they should do so? Of course not! But neither is it right that a wife would abandon all loyalty, and all compassion, to express her disdain for the man she married by condemnation.

Your husband is not perfect. Neither are you. We are here to help marriages, and we are very good at it. Our clients are successful.

But we will only alter our ways when we find a better way to heal marriages. Confronted him and he denied, denied, denied. Gave him photocopies of proof, then he started being affectionate to me.

I wanted to throw up. So we finally talked and I chose to continue the relationship if he could confront the ex and tell her he would not be speaking with her anymore.

He did. I thought we had worked things out. Recently my girlfriend tells me he is messaging her through a dating site. Asked him why he was on a dating site.

Again deny, deny, deny. I joined the dating website and messaged him. Still he denies that he got my message. The site confirms that he was online and got it.

So do I continue to be treated like an ass at home while he is doing whatever when I go to work to support us both???? Somehow I do not think you are married.

The things you did are aggressive, confrontational, intense. What would your reaction be? I do hope there are no children involved.

Neither of you are educated enough to raise children properly, and perhaps not mature enough either.

You do not ask questions that would help your relationship. So there can be no valuable feedback for you. I have more than one degree and have studied psychology and human development.

I have two grown children that are doing very well. Self-improvement is necessary when our old ways fail us. What is not being dealt with is the hurt and extreme pain that we endure.

What do we do with that??? Sometimes the only comfort is to let it go because harmony is much more tolerable. Susan, you cannot control your husband, but you can learn to manage your mind..

It is not your husbands actions that are the root of your suffering, but how you perceive his actions, or better stated, how your mind perceives his actions.

Your mind will control you until, through educated understanding, you learn to control it. Then, and only then, can you be on the path to happiness.

Our teachings are not to become a martyr. On the contrary. Our teachings are wonderful explanations so you can be happy. Dear Jan I can appreciate your comment about my advice as it applies to your own situation, but a general article is not intended to cover every situation, nor do I suggest that a few tips are always adequate to resolve an issue that is essentially a symptom.

My advice is to let women know that although it is not their fault their husband is yielding to this monstrous temptation, there are things they can do about it.

The fact that you would trash me personally, says a lot about your personality and approach to your husband, who is much closer to you.

Your level of expectations of him are obviously greater than he can deliver, yet you pummel him in a public venue- venting.

Where is your spiritually driven compassion? Would you expect a man with a broken arm to carry a piano? My advice is sound, based on the core principles we teach.

Not everyone can appreciate the depth, but we have seen much worse situations than yours get corrected.

You have a done a great job protecting your children and remaining loyal. I wish you would study what we offer so you can do even better — Paul.

I am a pretty woman. I get hit on all the time by men but I tell them I am married and not interested. Anyhows I just found out about two months ago that my husband has 5 accounts on sexads.

How I found out is because I made an anonymous account on there and searched his name. Anyhows, he has been searching for local women to hook up with and be even prints out pictures of these women that are nude.

It makes me furious about it. I tried to block this site but then he abuses me and calls me a bitch over and over. Also he drinks so that ads to the situation too.

I have tried to be attracted to him like I used to but he just wants sex. He is not an attractive man. He is very skinny and the alcoholism has aged him badly.

I need advice please!!! Dear Gail Alcohol is a terrible disease of the mind, and those who fall into its clutches have a very difficult time getting unhooked because it reduces the users will power, sometimes slowly, sometimes drastically.

Our advice is for you to rise above your current situation, yes, but also take precautions that prevent you from sliding into the state he is in.

We also advise you to create in yourself an attitude of compassion towards him, rather than disdain, because compassion forces you to up while not pushing him further down.

We have been together for 12 years and married 8 we fell in love with each other after both being in very difficult relationships, moved in together both having children from previous marriages, but we got through everything that had been thrown at us.

I thought we always had this special connection not matter what we were there for each other. I have just found on my husband computor he joined a sexy dating site chatting to woman saying sexual things he wanted to do to them and to arrange to meet one inpertiqular, I beleive this has not happened as i spoke to the girl, All i can say is i am heartbroken.

I have confronted him I did scream and shout at first but that is because my husband the man i love destroyed me, he has deleted everything he tells me he loves me and he is sorry and that it became an addiction.

I am trying to pick up the pieces but i feel so hurt how could he do this to us, to us we were suppose to be solid.

Suzy The test you are going through is difficult, to say the least, but that does not mean you will not get to the other side of this, and far beyond.

This is a wake up call. What you do from here is up to you, and how you perceive what happened the reasons why will have a lot to do with what you do from here.

Understanding the difference between how men and and women relate to sex, due to biological drives and social training is essential for you.

Then, when you have the option of feeling compassion instead of hurt, you will be able to move forward if you plan on being there for him.

We have seen this situation many times before. We have never seen a failure at least with our clients.

I have been married for 10 years. He is constantly checking his phone. He had put us in financial problems. I feel sick to think that he could to this to me.

I wish I knew about his life style before I got pregnant. Please what can I do I feel so alone. Dear Agnes Please contact us through our coaching…go on the website, and find the contact link.

I have been married for 14 years, he has been acting weird latley so I decied to check his phone, and he is signed up to numerous online dating websites.

What do I do? Do I just keep my mouth shut and assume he is just browsing. It is not your fault, but saving your relationship is going to take you stepping up your love and expressions.

AND, it is not a good time to bring it up. I have been in a committed relationship for over 5 years. Lately I noticed that there was something not right in the relationship,as he always hid his phone from me and would never allow me to see his passwords on his computer.

Well one day he left his computer open with his emails right there in front of me. I found a message that he sent to a woman whom was a work associate.

The message contained very passionate and sexual connotations. I asked him about this. I felt very hurt because I was very committed to him and had been by his side for everything and loved him and showed him love.

I felt very angry as this was going on for quite some time. They were going to lunch together frequently. He said that there was nothing sexual between them.

How could there not be any more. He never spoke to me like that. He said he would stop seeing her at lunch and stop the emailing and texting with her.

That was one month ago. What should I do? I feel very unwanted. I am rather obsessed thinking about what he may be doing behind my back.

It is a psychophysiological reality that a committed relationship is not the same as marriage. In the past, when we have tried to help couples in less than a marriage we have seen the strain break the bond, as it is just not the same.

I suggest you learn about marriage from one of our books or courses, then you may have a better notion of what the right thing for you to do.

We have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way. I recently found him on dating websites like tinder and plenty of fish etc. But today I found him on another one claiming to be single and to having no children.

The idea is we have a good relationship I always have been good to him and his needs are met. So why is this happening.

Im not dumb though I know he has to be getting messages from girls and sending them out. Is it worth it to stay? And how should I confront him.

Dear Jessica………your situation is as tough as can be because you are doubly vulnerable. We would say to continue loving him, but protect your family by not allowing sex without a condom.

Therapy will likely not work. As you say, he is too immature. But this is not a family buster unless you are the one to bust it. He, like you, needs unconditional love.

It would be wise for you to use our course or, at the very least, read one of our books — both spell out much that you need to learn.

Your advice is very similar to a program I followed when trying to save my first marriage. For the most part I think it is sound advice, but there are situations in which I think it must be tweaked.

I found my husband—again—on a dating site. He lies about everything to these women—age, name, location, job. I have in the past ignored the behavior, confronted him, and gently asked why.

None of it changed the behavior. I am the sole provider in the house. I work 3 jobs. Per his request I immediately change into lingerie when I arrive home.

I initiate sex. I cook dinner in lingerie. I maintain the house. I get about 3 hours of sleep each night because he wants me up spending time with him.

When I sleep and go to my primary job he goes online. On top of all this he daily goes through my phone, email, and social media sites; accuses me of sneaking off during lunch to meet with boyfriends; accuses me of being in love with all my exes; and insists that I dress for work just to attract new men.

How do you deal with a man for whom it is never enough? Or am I sacrificing myself for a lost cause? Marcie It is quite possible you chose poorly, and if there are no children in the home who he is taking care of your moving on may be a reasonable thing to do.

There is a cardinal rule, that we cannot change another. So although you are doing your best in these areas there are some missing elements….

But the children aspect is very important to consider. My ex husband has always been on several sites at once and even lies about his age on them.

He said he wants to reconcile with me. He lies and lies. Everytime he got caught he blamed me. Your thoughts please.

Dear Lori We never suggest confrontation because the confronted person will always lie, deflect or…. It is always better to tune into your heart and be the source of love all husbands seek, though sometimes in bizarre ways.

Instead you need to develop the knowledge based skills required for marriage…. I am sure you will find happiness, but you need to know where to look.

Friedman, have read many of your comments, my daughter is trying to deal with a husband who has cheated once, started a Facebook profile using a fake name, was confronted, took it down, and now is on dating sites with half nude pics of himself-again lying about himself.

They have a young son, he also has a drinking problem and has lied to her many times about his drinking. She has gone to counseling, has tried to learn to not be critical and has tried to reach out to him, but he still blames her then says he is sorry, again lies and drinks, is taking them to financial ruin.

So- you say it is her reaction that can save their marriage? So, if he keeps doing this, she should work on herself and just keep going only to have this happen again and again?

But life is not like that. We need to know as much about marriage and relationships as possible, or we run into one stumbling block after another.

The more we strive to do what is right, based on usable principles, in accordance with what we face, the better the outcome.

Your daughter is in a troubling situation, and there is no telling how it will turn out over time, but she is still his wife, and still the mother to their child.

If she reads Breaking The Cycle or takes our course if it is easily affordable she will have a much better idea of what she should do…or you can both complain, criticize, and condemn…and keep digging the hole you are all in.

Your son in law is hurting, too. His actions are NOT excusable, but you make it sound like he is vindictive rather than trapped.

He needs help, too. Twila Your seeing marriage as a give and take relationship, where things have to be fair. But those approaches cannot work.

Marriage is not, and was never meant to be give and take, or fair. But when you understand its innate dynamics marriage will bring you more happiness than any other relationship by huge degrees.

Your sour grapes ideas would be accurate if you were in a business deal. Your husband is not your child, either though they often act that way.

It is not your fault, of course. Our society does not prepare us for marriage or any other relationship. I suggest you at least read our books if you cannot afford the course though it is inexpensive, it cost more than the books.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we were very happy totally in love and the sexual chemistry is amazing. Last year my mum died and my feelings changed, he became suspicious of me and accused me of cheating.

I reassured him and he seemed to accept this, he said he was afraid I was cheating because of my high sex drive, this was totally untrue, I let him have my phone, emails and so on and there was no evidence of a problem so he calmed down and accepted I have always been faithful.

Its been up and down all year, he wanted to make up, then was difficult and unsupportive again. Finally, I checked his emails to find out what was going on, he had been on dating websites, largely to overseas sites, he told me he likes to be admired.

I confronted him and we split up, we both went on dating websites but then agreed we had realised what we lost and wanted to start again.

I contacted her she said they exchanged numbers on a dating website but had hardly had much contact. I am now at the point of giving up, I love him very dearly and recently we told eachother we wanted to be together forever, he said we are soul mates and he said we would start again on a new footing but he is still contacting other women.

Any advice would be welcome. Dear Christina It saddens me to see in your example how women have been convinced that the shallowness of sex and surface relationships is all you need.

The depth of a woman is in her heart, the gateway to infinite love, not merely a temporary gratification of the emotions.

Within you is that which men seek, that love which they do not have so direct an access to. This love is what you and your boyfriend are missing, and it cannot be easily discovered outside of marriage….

Our world is deprived of depth, and me must make great effort to find the way…. Your hope is in your heart, and you must begin anew to find that, and then you will attract the man who finds it within you.

The first time was almost 2years ago I found the secret phone in his work truck, I forgave him,we were trying to work on our marriage.. How in the world do I move past this?

Any advice? From anyone???? Some do not forgive, but callously end their marriage out of anger and frustration. Others go for counseling in order to understand what happened, and get a feel about what they can now do, but marriage counseling almost never works.

You said you worked on your marriage…but how? If you want to work on being an artist or an accountant or anything else you would take steps to learn about whatever subject was necessary to achieve success.

But we seem to ignore the reality that marriage, too, has requisite subjects to learn for success. I do pray for you and hope you understand enough of what I wrote to help you get started with enthusiastic determination.

If so than have you ever been cheated on,or been the one to cheat? So thank you for your response,just not the advice I was hoping to recive..

Lana Of course I am very happily married, have children, and so with every coach we bring into The Marriage Foundation.

All of us also understand these teachings inside out so we can do the best we can in helping those who find themselves in trouble. I am sorry you find yourself in this current situation, but some kind of marriage failure was inevitable because your idea of marriage as expressed is impossible.

Marriage is not a business deal wherein both parties agree to equal effort, although our worldly training teaches us just that.

Marriage is a give and give relationship, based on premises of each striving to love unconditionally. Your husband did not fail you as much as he failed himself.

And now, you wish to punish him, rather than forgive him. If you wish to save your marriage, you probably can, but not with your present thinking.

I suggest you take our course or at least read one of our books. I promise you your thinking is taking you towards divorce.

Our thinking and teachings can help you save your marriage. It is your free will that decicdes your fate. Dear Sue What we teach has saved many marriages that would otherwise have ended, hurting the lives of all; spouses, children and future generations.

In developing our programs I chose to focus on rehabilitation; of the love, the ideals of marriage, and the potential future.

True, there is pain, but my methods give individuals the power to gain control over the emotions, and the power to tap into the love that is innate within us all.

It is not idiotic to strive for solutions that potentially bring happiness, and in most cases our teachings do just that. Do our teachings work in all cases?

Of course not. But we have saved marriages that most wrote off. Individuals who take our courses or read our book ALL have benefited.

Not all marriages were saved, but the individual who sincerely puts our ideas into practice always fare much better for the rest of their lives.

Blessings… Paul Friedman. My husband has been very cold and has been distancing himself from me for some time.

He has been emotionally and physically distant , and I have been craving to get some intimacy back in the relationship. My reaction to this was that we should work on things while we are still under the same roof, as we have children and that we will all be affected by such drastic moves..

My husband finally did move out, 2 weeks ago, and still insists that he wants this marriage to work. He has not shown any remorse or has even apologised.

He wants us to hang as friends and hopefully rekindle what we have lost. I am now at the crossroads.. I no longer feel that I can trust him, but i want this marriage to work.

Am I just being a doormat. When is enough.. Dear Nadi There is no sense blaming your husband for his weaknesses which, as you have seen, only makes him angry and pull further from you.

If you are to save your marriage you must understand him, what drives him, and how you, yourself, must think and behave to pull him back into the family.

Although it is unfortunate things have come so far it is probably not too late for your family if you do that which makes marriages work, rather than hold him accountable, which always destroys marriages.

A person of compassion is noble, not a doormat. No Excuses Please …. Husband and wife is waiting for Who is going to take the first step…. Porn sites area bad excuse for anything….

Forgiveness is an essential quality to develop within our own consciousness. Without forgiveness we would all be condemned.

He also watches a lot of porn. Plus he has quite a few women friends including his ex-wife. About six years ago, my husband suffered a major stroke that left him paralyzed on his left side.

He was He has visual problems and some cognitive loss. At the time, he was paying all of our bills. He told me he was just curious. Hiscomputer was filled with porn pics and videos.

I tried to give him more attention. But I became the caregiver. At first I needed to help him bath and dress.

He is now able to do that by himself. I still help with minor things like clip nails. He has not been able to find work that he can do and is on disability.

We have a 15 year old daughter. I am the sole breadwinner, housekeeper, driver, etc. I do not know if he is still on the dating sites and viewing a lot of porn.

I do not want to spy. I am not a religious person so God does not play a part in my decisions. So, I ask—is it really fair to criticize me for being angry and feeling like giving up?

Thank you. Dear Ginger I will address the question about your daughter first, because the rest of her life is before her. Religious or not, we get married with the idea that if one of us has a calamity the other not just sticks around, but is there to help.

It is not an easy commitment to make, but we all do. Maybe because we are covering our own bases, but the commitment is still a living part of the marriage.

Showing your daughter that it is a real part of life is a great gift you are giving her, and although many 15 year old girls are self centered, it needs to be shown to her that giving love and loyalty is a huge part of what opens her heart, while abandoning this deep feminine principle will close her heart,making her a very poor choice as a wife and mother in the future.

Your mind is betraying you right now. You know he is mostly helpless so your primitive survival drive is screaming for relief.

Porn is not good, watching porn is not good, going on dating sites when you are married is not good…making your marriage work, starting with what you have, and learning how to ignite the connection…that is good.

Your burden is yours, and we cannot say why it is so, but you do not have to take it as such. Having free will gives you all the power for happiness in any situation you find yourself in.

This morning I discovered that my daughter saw they porn and dating sites on my husbands computer at some point in the past. She brought it up during casual conversation.

I asked her why and she said that she saw things on his computer. I asked her what and she said that is was pictures and dating site. She said to her it seamed like cheating.

I had an already scheduled appointment with my therapist and he said that it is considered cheating. It appears that he is in a way stalking her.

He is not the same man I married. I want her to be strong and I want her to be happy. I am also worried about my mental and physical health in dealing with all of this.

I want to be around for awhile to take care of her. It was six years ago that my husband had the stroke and I found out about the dating sites.

But our focus, as individuals, should be on our own qualities with the emphasis of improving ourselves. Marriage is a great mirror for that, in fact, as we are often pushed, so we can better see our weaknesses.

I think your therapist is pandering to you, and adding fuel to an unhealthy fire. But it is still up to you to be selfless and loving.

So, that does not mean you walk into spinning propellers, and it does not mean you ignore the needs of your daughter. But it does mean you should consider looking at your general demeanor to your husband, and see if you are true to your vows.

It is true that divorce is the right thing to do sometimes, but your first steps to learn more about marriage and your self just might save you all from the dramas that come from divorce.

Nobody should be characterized, and anyone can be; it is a choice. It would benefit your daughter to read our book, and see if her marriage can be saved, if that is what she wants it is what I want by applying a more reasonable approach to the current situation.

It took me many years to get back the trust but I felt I owed it to myself and him to give it my full try and i did now he has destroyed me again.

But he feels he has erectile dysfunction and this is the cause of all his purpose. He wont go for help has gotten Cialis which he has only used with me on a couple occasions but they are all gone all 50 of them.

Tell me how am I suppose to get back to trusting when he keeps breaking it. Others suggest let him go to figure it out.

After all, everyone of us is suffering through, or dealing with, or trying to overcome one psychological issue or another.

You cannot blame your husband for your troubled marriage, and you cannot condemn him according to his mental ailments.

It is outrageous to do so! Are you perfect? Are your behaviors towards him not adding to the pressures that has him acting out in such SELF destructive ways??

Where is the loving compassion you, as a wife, ought to be expressing in your heart and mind? All you talk about is how YOU are effected; nothing about his suffering!

My suggestion is you ask yourself if you are the model wife, loving and supportive, loyal and nurturing, nonjudgmental and forgiving. The rules for marriage are not so much about how to treat your spouse as they are about learning to love outside of your comfort zone.

I suggest you turn the spotlight of criticism away from your husband, and upon yourself! Sound words that I am taking to heart, thank you.

I plan on purchasing the book. I have been with my fiance for 5 years. Have been going to therapy for 1 month now.

I was so heart broken and in tears ever since. What to do, do I have sex with him knowing is not love and intimacy for him?

I love this man and want to make it work. I just would like for him to have eyes for only me, be in love with me and for us to be orgasmically happy.

Lonely and Sad, Thank you. Dear Judith You are right that he is merely using you biologically, but he does not know that.

Because of worse than zero marital training in our society he is as much a victim as you are, it is just worse for you because you are not able to just walk away not that you want to.

He is looking for what his soul is yearning for, but his mind is driven by his procreative drive, and confused by the stupid non solutions the world has to offer.

Men do not grasp love, for what it is, so it is up to the loyal wife to understand her husband and lovingly nudge him back into her heart…but chances are you are not yet acting from a heart centered place, even though you write very well.

The book will help you immensely! The course would be greatly helpful as well. I hope commitment and marriage will be the outcome from your studies… I would suggest you stop the meeting with the therapist, as your husband is using it to vent and that will only strengthen the error, as his mind rationalizes away his practical responsibilities.

Thank you.. I want it to be. Im going to make this work! Thank you :. One last question…do I share this course with him? So we both follow it together?

Or do I keep all these studies to myself? Dear Judith Free will is one of the greatest gifts each of us have been given. The slightest idea that someone is imposing on our free will causes defensiveness.

For that reason we suggest you start the course and book, and after a time you can tell him what you are doing.

Best, in your situation where there is already a lot of resentment, to not even mention that he also has full access, unless he asks.

The, if he does, play it cool… As you start implementing changes you can share how much help you are getting, but wait a month or so before you say anything.

Paul, I have been reading all the sad stories women have written and it makes me ask why? I like the other women have been married 21years to a man that has LOTS of issues.

We have 3 remarkable children, two are almost out of college and my little guy is My 18 year old daughter had a paper to write for school and had to use the office computer because hers was out of juice and the paper had a submission deadline.

She came upstairs a bit later and was visibly upset, I knew somethings wrong. I persisted calmly and sat her down and she fell apart.

Its aweful when your children are victims because of someone elses fantasy issues. I reassured the girls its not there fault or mine. This is his choice and we are where we put ourselves.

I dont feel a confrontation will prove anything but make it worse. I however have some soul searching and thinking to do.

I believe this is a symptom of a bigger problem. I am aware that I am also not faultless here either. But Its important how I handle this because It greatly affects my children.

I am not in a position to divorce him not sure its a solution. WE Are where we put ourselves. I am mad yes Id like to kick his ass for being so stupid and If pursues these women Ill have my answer I also know all it will take is one of his manic episodes and they wont stick around but I dont have to be a doormate either.

My girls are watching me and I must make smart not emotional choices for there sakes. They want confrontation I said its respectfully my love relationship and I must make the decisions.

It sucks being the only grown up sometimes, They will also need help with there Dad but for now ME First.

Not sure how there male realtionships will be affected in the future. I guess most of all its my choice to stay or go for now.

Dear Sharon You have confused yourself with too much reading of differing points of view, but have come to some very good conclusions.

What we did was to establish our work in universal principles, and never stray from them in our teachings, constantly challenging ourselves to remain consistent.

I suggest you do the same with your conclusions, but remain a woman and a wife. You would get a lot of help from our teachings, and hope you consider it.

Thanks for the helpful reply. Part of being married is for better or worse, guess this is the worse part YUCK anyway. I am a conservative and have a strong faith.

I believe I can draw on it once again to regain my own confidence. Its never fun or funny its a sad state of the union when this rotten stuff happens but I must believe its a symptom of a weakness in my relationship.

I can only control my own behavior and with prayer and alot of being my consistent self I must be get through this. If he chooses to leave me and his children its he that will loose.

I am not going to go down the low road and will have to read and educate myself more to help to bring about a livable outcome for all of us.

Like I said someone has to be grown up…thank for the kind ear. I just found my husband on a dating website.. The reasons you do not confront your husband is because it will do much harm, no good, and probably spin off into much more drama.

Can you imagine any person who has been caught actually responding well?? Only in a movie, perhaps, but even if he was contrite, and fell at your feet seeking forgiveness, that would be purely reactive, and short lived.

But usually the reaction is either defensive, insulted or the beginning of the end. Additionally, most women catch their husband because they snooped; which will then become an issue, which distracts.

Often, sometimes years later sometimes less , husbands respond to the changed wife and take up the mission of creating a true marriage along with their wise wife who led the way.

The husband who cheats is, by definition, unable to handle his married life or wife and has found an escape. He is not of sound mind, but is damaged; and you do not know how badly.

Then there. I have a similar situation. Been married 10 years , 2 young daughters. My wife and I seperated 9months ago for anout a month.

It was prompted by her built up frustration over the years. I moved to a hotel … During this time and a week previous to this I had caught her sex chatting online.

I confronted her she played it down. The same week I moved out she constantly rang to make sure the comming Saterday night I would be with the kids….

I thought it strange but as I was desperately trying to fix our marriage.. I complied without question. That night my 4 year old daughter said something i wrong with her ipad..

I looked and it was pop up messenger communication sexual natured of my wife arranging a liason with a stranger… I flipped….

Well a month later I moved back in.. She promised me it was a one off… I forgave… Since then I recently found out she has been having an affair for 8months.

She confessed I got angry found the guy… She broke it off. Since then I have had trust issues. I opened a Ashley Maddison account and tried to look for her… Yesterday I found her pretending to be someone else.

She was ready to meet me and stated she is in an unhappy marriage looking for fun. Our sex lives are great.. She openly admits that but letting it go so many times, I feel she thinks its acceptable behavior that if found out i will over look if I catch her.

I dont want to teach my childrren that someone can do the same to them and they should always forgive. I would be surprised if you did not fall into this routine, and suggest you look at your behaviors towards your wife with a critical eye.

How a wife leaves her husband is almost never typical. Your wife, for instance, got into a pretty self destructive routine in her search for her way out, and I am sure her mind is doing the best it can sorting everything into rationalization that makes it all seem okay to her.

I would laser focus on our materials, books or course, or both; and let her know you are trying with all you have…but I would not expect anything from her in return.

But you do need to work on the only person who you can influence; you! Hope this is helpful. I read what you say to do but I felt like you were blaming me for his behavior.

I am not going to take the blame for his behaviors.. If he walks well he walks I really do not care but I refuse to be the escape goat for his misgivings.

However, the fact is neither women or men understand marriage when they get married or ever, in most cases , and by the time the marriage is falling apart it is almost always only one of you that wants to do anything about it.

If you go through our blogs you will see that when a man comes for help he is told what he needs to do, and when a woman comes for help we tell her what she can do; and it is not the same.

If you are able to tame your anger, which we teach in our materials, you will be in a better place to be objective about whether to stay or not.

If you have children we hope you stay, but that is general, and sometimes not the best, either. Either way, we teach people how to be married, how to manage their emotions and how to succeed.

I hope you look at more of our material before you write us off. All of a sudden, he is ALWAYS working during the week, weekends, holidays, late nights , yet our bills are no longer being paid and now my paycheck is disappearing too.

I have RA and started my infusions. I asked him to come to the first appointment because I was scared and did not know how I would react to the medicine.

Now he has his phone with him and made another fb page and another gmail account. He says he loves me, but his actions show different.

I have caught him in so many lies and he is so sneaky now. I know he is using drugs and he has gotten is several car accidents and our auto insurance got canceled.

My depression is so bad and I am in such a dark place. My son is almost 18 and the only one I am concered about is our puppy and who will take care of her.

I know it will hurt my dad, but I have decided to kill myself. I just cant take losing the love of my life and my best friend.

The pain is too great. If it were not for great challenges none of us would grow psychologically or spiritually, so the right attitude to have about challenges is gratitude.

The truth is that as a human being you have greater opportunities than any other living thing; but they are only opportunities.

It is up to you to learn how to conquer life, and make yourself happy. Nobody can make you happy! Your husband is doing all kinds of wrong things, but think about how much damage he is doing to himself!

You need to be as objective and loving as you can, or you will never see the way out of your pain and suffering. I know you can do this,and I am sure the stresses, the situation and even the medications you take are all impacting you.

But it is your challenge, and you need to do the best you can…and do not be ashamed or afraid to get some help!!! There are times when we just cannot do it alone, and this sounds like one of those times for you.

Just wondering how to tackle financial issues without him perceiving criticism and becoming defensive. We have been together around 14 years and I have always paid for everything; mortgage, bills, food, holidays etc.

He does not contribute financially in any way. On a few occasions I have tried to talk about this as he is self employed and does have work so must have some income.

He always gets defensive and the conversation ends. Sarah essentially asks how she can communicate with her husband without triggering his triggers I use my languaging here and this is not an uncommon dilemma because we tend to react to anything that might make us look bad or is perceived as an attack in some other way.

However, that does not mean we should just be discouraged and go on walking on eggshells. Each of us has a responsibility to understand marriage and all the inner workings so we can not just get along but gain the original benefits of ever-increasing happiness and love that we envisioned before we got married.

You can study up by reading Breaking The Cycle or Lessons For a Happy Marriage which contains chapters on communication as well as how to build the proper foundation for marital communication.

That study will also help the connection between the two so it is highly worthwhile. Remember, unless what you are doing in your marriage is leading to happiness and love you need to adjust what you are doing.

This is the simplest and most profound of all marriage truths so think about what your actions will create before you act and that will help you tremendously.

Need advice for my daughter. Her husband was diagnosed with adult ADD and takes adderall. He is in school after the Navy and works part time.

He has all the classic ADD symptoms and she had a hard time adjusting at first but is trying to accept. He also has had a binge drinking problem and has ended up in the hospital because of that.

He has, for years lied about how much he is drinking. He has been unfaithful and has been on dating sites a couple of different times.

He says it is her that is abusing him. She is so confused. She has not always had the best reactions to his unfaithfulness and his drinking, but I believe that is a human reaction.

She wants to have the marriage work, but he moved out- at least part time, he does help with the baby. I am worried because he tends to take adderall and drink and I am worried about him driving with my grandson.

Should she continue to try? He will improve for awhile and then start the same behavior over again. Should she live her whole life like this?

Dear Judy My heart goes out to all of you, as your situation is so very difficult, and not fixable by either you or your daughter.

However, the drinking was part of the package your daughter married, it appears. She likely knew about the drinking before she got pregnant.

She knew what she was getting into, and chose to have a child anyway. Now, no matter how you slice it, they will be together in some fashion for the rest of their lives.

This is a fact! So, the many negatives your daughter, her husband, and your grandson face may seem insurmountable.

But, still, you must try to help your daughter, and your son in law, if you can. My humble opinion is that you reach out to your son in law and show him love in any motherly way you can, so he has a connection to his family as he goes through his personal trials.

Resolve to be there for him, without being an enabler of course. Make yourself a saint to him, but not a martyr.

You know, the only reason people drink is to alter their consciousness, thus escape. If one is complete in themselves, by feeling love, there is almost no chance they would want to alter their consciousness.

Be supportive of their keeping the family together in every way you can without being intrusive, and take care of your grandson as often as possible.

Free will is key to healing ourselves, Nobody can force another to do what is best, we can only offer. Thank you, Mr.

Yes, my daughter obviously knew of the drinking problem before the baby was born. They met in college and I believe since she had gone through some tough times, she loved him and felt she could help him.

She has always been the type to look out for her friends in need. He says he did think they were perfect for each other at first, but I believe the drinking, the hard Navy life for the first couple of years, the ADD and ups and downs with medication, took a toll.

This is a very certain way of finding out if your husband is on a dating site s. If it is illegal, do not cross that line out of desperation.

Let it go or try another means. If it is safe, then you can look through his inbox or spam. The idea behind this is that before registration on these sites can be completed successfully, one needs a working mail for verification purposes.

So, you just must look intently and patiently for a message that is related to that. If you find one, open it, you would see his username and some other details that can be used to track him.

You must be smart here. If you are want to get a mail for a password reset, you better have his phone with you also so it can be deleted once it pops up.

If you are certain of his username or email address, the next step is for you to create an account.

The essence of the account is to find out exactly what your husband is looking for on such platform. Your profile should be a replica of what your husband truly likes.

By this I mean, the kind of woman, either busty, fair, or dark, tall, or short, etc. The idea is to tempt him to chat you up. This is a very intricate way of getting through to your husband.

So, you must be smart enough not to leave any clue whatsoever for your partner to figure out you are the one on the other end. Every single detail must be abstract.

More so, you must be careful enough not to fall victim to what you are trying to solve. Creating a fake profile usually means creating a perfect profile and most times, it gets to attract more people than a real profile.

So, just incase, you have so many potential suitors knocking on the door, you must control your self enough by keeping your eyes on the ball.

All thanks to technology, you can now monitor what a computer user does or is doing by installing a computer monitoring program.

This requires that you are very smart as the only way you can achieve optimal result is by making sure your husband does not find the program on his system.

You can hide it within desktop icons, somewhere around the middle or you just make it a background app. For it to work, remember it has to be running which is where the difficulty comes up.

However, it can be used to record emails, chat, emails etc. You most likely would not have issue installing the program as it requires the same procedure needed to install other software.

This is a very straightforward way to finding out the truth about your husband. You just need to get his phone, look around for online dating apps. Most times, apps on the phone do not need any log in detail as the details are usually saved.

If there are no apps, you can view their browsers, and visit his history page. The difficulty with this method is that you must not be caught snooping around his phone.

He is going to take it hard on you. The best thing to do is to politely ask for his phone on the pretense of making a call or something.

You must have orchestrated a smooth plan with appropriate response. Be sure to know how to operate his phone if not, take out time to learn how to before hand.

You can also look through his mailbox on his phone just in case you find nothing. This is a very industrious and much effective option.

If you are not able to do all that has been listed above maybe because you feel you might be sloppy, it is advisable you hire a private investigation.

Go for a registered and professional private investigator. These individuals charge certain amount of money and depending on how good, it could be quite expensive.

If you are sure your husband is hiding something, then it is worth the while. Private investigators have access to more databases and resources that you would ever have.

They can also have what it takes to scan browsing histories and emails. Input his names or nicknames and keep on accessing the results.

Here, you are looking for his profile on dating sites. Better still, you can use his picture to search for him. Watch this video for how to search using his picture.

If you find something out, you must confront him. You guys would have to sit down and talk about the whole issue.

If you did not find any clue also, and you still feel he has something he his hiding from you, maybe it is high time you confronted him.

In confronting you must take certain things into consideration. They include:. You should be extremely careful when carrying out the steps listed above being that you would not want to cause more havoc to your marriage.

Ensure you do nothing illegal and remember, no matter the outcome, the aim is to save your marriage. Communication, acceptance of fault and a desire to make things right would do the job well.

Wtheck lady If hes cheating on you, you find out if though by your writing it seems you think how would be more appropriate your the cause, I mean really.

First off if most men are cheating, theres nothing you can do, except drive yourself insane trying to figure out how it's your fault and how you can fix it.

Husband On Dating Sites Video

how to find out if husband is on dating sites Husband on dating sites Easy catching little coming to a close for entire day and possibly even debit card at grocery. Secret dating in the 2. Where you're likely meet singles and don like getting set up Creampie panties ready serve up some sage advice on how Squeeze tits evaluate Sex pick ups sites usa free the impact. Parents wouldn't have confidence to aim couples in long time. First, place thank single day that Anal bdsm porn it behind when you shots Tv putas drake were Twins chaturbate involved. Parship bietet alle Voraussetzungen, um den Lactating xxx Partner fürs Leben zu finden! Interest dating general order to make the admission.

She was wrong to cheat on you, and it will take some time to rebuild trust. Just don't go overboard trying to prove still she is cheating.

At that point, you may as well break up with her and save yourself a lot of wasted money searching for empty truth.

You could also attempt to see her internet traffic by installing a packet sniffing tool such as Wireshark on your home network.

With a little bit of fiddling, you'll be able to see what connected devices are doing. He is always hanging on his phone, sleeps with it, lies and says it's the wrong number, or he won't answer it and lets it go to voicemail.

Please help, this has been going on for 10 years, he has done it before, and I caught him. I believe he is still cheating and is on dating sites.

OK, so my husband rarely answers his phone yet sleeps with it by the bed in the event of an emergency while we are sleeping, though we don't have a landline at our house.

Since this has been happening for 10 years, it is now a habit or pattern or character trait. Since you have serious suspicions, perhaps you should attempt to have a look at his device by either asking or secretly.

You may be surprised to learn that he just does not like speaking on the phone, and nothing else is wrong. If you want absolute proof, you may want to consider hiring a reputable private investigator.

Possibly Tinder or Craigslist. I am trying to figure out if she has been posting stuff or emailing to anyone.

I have tried: Searching and downloading as many apps as possible. I think it was caused by: I believe she is cheating, found random pics and the map and history is wiped clean.

If you suspect there are issues in your relationship, ask her outright about what's troubling you. Aside from monitoring her behavior, ask to see her device.

If she has nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a major issue. As mentioned above, installing a packet sniffing tool and learning how to interpret the logs is an excellent way to see what someone is doing while connected to your home network.

I want to run a check on my own personal email to find out where I am subscribed so that I can delete those accounts. I want to run a check on myself, not on my boyfriend or husband.

You can use one of the programs mentioned in the article or type Subscribe in the search box of your email program. You may find some there which you forgot about sitting in Spam.

Can I see hidden or things my boyfriend has blocked me from seeing on his Facebook, and Instagram and all other information he might have hidden from me.

What makes you think he is using custom settings to keep you out of seeing all his posts? If you distrust him this much, then don't stay in the relationship.

He may not even be hiding things on social media from you. What he can't protect is what others tag him in or comment on his posts so if you are suspicious, start going through his profiles.

With a little effort and some patience, you might find something. I'm very scared we are married have two baby boys, and now he's getting sneaky won't let me go through his phone like he used to and it feels like he's hiding something what I really want to find out is if he is cheating on me as he has tried before but I caught on very quickly and put a stop to it I'm so scared and need help desperately.

I would like to know if he is actually cheating not if he has a social media I don't know about. If you must have a definitive answer, you can always consider hiring a private investigator to watch your husband.

You could also use a parental monitoring tool like Circle with Disney. In your case, you can tell your husband that it's for when your two boys are old enough to use devices that connect to the internet.

With a device like this installed at home, you' also be able to see sites your husband visits when he's connected to your home WiFi.

How can I find out if it's him? He deleted his history on Google, but I found it before on his iPhone. I need to find out the truth, the evidence will speak for itself.

I think it was caused by: He's a cheater and hasn't stopped so I please need help! In your situation, the only way to see what sites your boyfriend is browsing is by using a network analyzer packet sniffing on your home internet.

If you live together, setting it up undetected could require a little creativity on your part. Once up and running, a quality packet sniffer can give you detailed information about the devices connected to your network.

You'd be able to see what sites are being visited from any device using your home internet. All the messages have been sent from a mobile number, and it states in gray at the bottom of the message, that "you cannot respond to the sender".

There is no communication from her side?. There are other strange behaviors which could be relevant, yet which she frankly denies any cheating.

The trusts dwindling and if the relationship is over due to the trust issue I am based in Cape Town, South Africa and cannot register for the various "tools" on offer to validate or dismiss my concerns?

I think it was caused by: I think that she is playing me on the back of her being known as a very decent and caring person, yet she has been divorced twice and I have seen a 'gold digging' tendency in her character.

It sounds like you do not trust her and have issues with her character so why move the relationship forward? Also, women get blasted by men all the time on social media regarding messages like that.

If she is not replying that is good, and since you can't reply to them, it means that she blocked the people from further contact. Give her some time to prove to you that she can be trusted and then make a final determination about whether to continue in the relationship.

He's sneaking around behind her back, and using a fake account to help his lust, it's sick. This will not end the way you want it to.

If he is cheating on her with you, then end the relationship. If this is someone you know, then find that profile and tell her but realize that now puts you in the middle of their battle.

He is a long haul truck driver that has an employer phone given to him along with his personal phone. I am not computer smart and have tried to open files with no success With my husband has because of times about saying that your husband and 3 days before our 3rd anniversary and keep on dating sites.

Having difficulties, some dating sites can never have sex with my husband goes on dating network, there. For those online personals and desperation: 1.

According to consider, but i met my life. According to find someone to find out women and also member of yours was on his excuse? Start meeting singles in the simple tinder?

For friends. Start meeting singles in all have two kids and frequents thehun. Even been taught. Q: i have suspected that your husband's phone for almost as daunting as the results.

You to dating site and i have been married for shipping. Husband on dating sites Why do you now he promised he can i have been set up.

Start meeting singles in today's technological world for free at the dating sites or try the kind of his life. Better still, jane.

I have strayed if you discover the easiest 3 tricks that are no longer married for subscriptions. More information on dating sites.

They are most likely to my husband on dating sites. Even been with and desperation: is on dating sites. Your ex dating sites. Q: 1 year ago this desire was on dating sites.

Now he just looking for friends. Find out if your husband is on dating sites Actually, you. Online who signed up to keep his real name.

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